Tag: onion

Police Bust Giraffe-Fighting Ring

Well, of course it’s from The Onion. Since the late 1980s, giraffes have become a status symbol in many American cities, but increasingly, the grazing land mammals are dropped off at shelters when they become too difficult to care for, usually because their owners live in … homes without high vaulted ceilings. … “I always…
Read more

Wrigley Field

Oh, look! The Oniondid a feature story about me. Just for the record, I do not have a Cubs jacket nor do I bring my transistor radio to games. But, uh, yeah, I do have a little radio shack transistor radio. And I like keeping score when watching a baseball game. Is that so wrong?

Mexican Immigration Problems

Mexico Builds Border Wall To Keep Out US Assholes

Congress Struggles To Come Up With Cool Name For Anti-Drug Initiative

I’m skeptical of any law with a personal name. Initiative with cool sounding names, especially if it’s an acronym, are also trouble. For instance, ix-nay, I would say, to Initiative Hammer of Poseidon. Sure, Poseidon had a trident and Thor had the hammer, but it’s worth a little mythological inaccuracy to get a name like…
Read more